My grandmother is a 75-year-old recent widow who within five minutes of my walking into her Fort Lauderdale apartment informs me, in her thick Slavic accent no less, that the billionaire who lives upstairs wants to wed her. After those grueling minutes and my grandma’s typical performance, I retreated to the guest room where I was staying, partly because I was tired, and partly because her Chanel Number 5 was giving me a headache.
I came to visit my Nana for my spring break. Florida is pretty close to New York City and I wanted to escape the busy life to relax on the sand. I also felt it sort of a duty to visit my grandma once in a while. After burying my grandfather, who she may or may not have aided his death with her constant nagging, she moved from Serbia and into an apartment in the land where old people come to dismiss their worries of freezing, and spend their remaining years in “paradise.”
I sat down at the dining table at a seat that faced the ocean front terrace, the window was open and a salty warm tropical breeze made my hair dance. I looked at my grandma. Her hair is cut short and stays up in a perfect swoop due to mass amounts of hairspray. Despite her age, her make-up is done to a T—from blue eyeshadow to the red lipstick that accentuates her mole above her lips.
I never understood how this woman was the mother to my mother—a gentle and somehow perfect woman, loved by every one who met her. They don’t have the mother/daughter relationship that we do, because she’s crazy. Not that I don’t love my grandma, of course I do! But she is definitely not the typical “chicken noodle soup let me adore my grandchildren,” type.
“Eat! I spent all day last night cooking this for you. I bought the vegetables at a huge-big grocery store and was in the kitchen all day. My back is aching because of that food but it is so good. Right? It is perfect. My food is perfect! Sit up straight Aleksandra.” I smile, sit up straight and tell her that yes, her food is perfect. And then I go along with every one of her rants and raves, nod as though I believe her lies are true, say yes when I don’t want desert. I remember now, that Florida with my grandma makes it difficult to relax… “How many boyfriends do you have?” she asks. I love my grandma.
I think this is a nice story, very humorous.I could kind of relate to it because my grandma had a thick accent(but not Slavic). The descriptions are detailed but short like Elif's. I feel like I know what your grandma's appearance and mannerisms. The fact that you could do this in a relatively short piece is great. It was a good read.
ReplyDeleteAleksa, there is lots of good stuff in here: great characters, great scene, good details and more. I think some things that could be improved are the piece's organization and a just generally having a better sense of what you'd like to say with it. It feels sort of in between a quick portrait of your grandma -- who she is, what she's like, how she got that way, what she sounds like, how she thinks -- and a short story about your visit. The result is that it is not really either thing all the way. I think if you take just an extra minute before writing to figure out what you most want to convey, you can articulate that more clearly. And in terms of writing mechanics, I think many of your sentences would benefit from being simplified or made into two or three, rather than one sentence. Look back at Batuman -- she is often just conveying information in as clear a way as possible (this happened and then that happened, etc), but makes the prose come alive with her voice and wit. As far as the content goes -- I see the beginning of a fascinating story here. I suspect that perhaps your relationship with your grandma is more complicated than the last line lets on (you practically say as much, though seem to pull back from exploring that deeply, and maybe that's just because it was a short piece). A story about a complicated grandmother, granddaughter relationship has great potential I'd say. Again, lots of good stuff going on here -- take our time and unpack it a bit and it will be even stronger.
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